I have been embarking on a new Chapter in my life. I have recently changed jobs as well as locations. It was not an easy decision, and it still has it’s bad moments. Of course this is to be expected in a big change. But my last environment was a very negative one for me. It was bringing me down further and further day by day. My Daddy seen this as well as witnessed some of it. He knew, as I knew, I had to get out of that environment. I was scared, I was in my comfort zone, I didn’t want to venture out of it into the unknown. Who does!!! But with the encouragement and guidance of my Daddy I did. I took that leap! Now here I am starting a new life, a new adventure!
But with all new adventures, with all new beginnings, also comes hardships. Nothing ever sails smoothly. As much as we try, as much as we hope. Problems always seem to arise. But in this instance I believe I have been over dramatic about certain issues. Making a mountain out of a molehill. I have been panicking about things that haven’t even happen yet. I have been creating issues that didn’t need to be worried about. I have been stressing my Daddy and just being a pain in the ass! I have been a bad girl. And I feel like the biggest ass there is! I have let the fear over ride common sense. I am letting the fear lead me instead of letting my strength through. I also feel I have taken advantage of Daddy. Letting him carry this alone and just sitting back and not solving my own issues. Again I have been a bad girl. I need to listen to Daddy, I need to stop going over and over again about issues that aren’t even issues!!!!! I need to stop being such a royal pain in his ass. I need to be his joy, his happy place, his babygirl. I need to put a smile on his face and joy in his heart.
He had a headache last night and still awoke with it this morning, when I spoke to him on his lunch break again the annoying headache is still there. THIS IS MY FAULT!!!!! Because I am such a bad girl. Just thinking of myself and my “issues” not considering the toll it is taking on my Daddy. This is my punishment to myself! To let the world know what a horrible person I have been here of late. How selfish I have been! And I am extremely ashamed of myself. As I sit here and write this I can feel the tears well up inside of my eyes. But I have to hold them in! I have to be strong! For me and for my Daddy!
He has been such a blessing to me! He has got me through so much and continues to get me through! How do I repay him! How do I express to him how much he means to me!!!!! How can he even believe this from me when I have been such a bad girl!!!!!!
I will prove it to him with my actions! I will stand up big and tall! I will face my fears! I will slam through them like a football player headed to the goal line! I will do this Daddy! I will stop being such a burden and a pain in your ass! I will prove it to you! Because I love you with all my being! All my heart! I need you and could never live without you! I will do this Daddy! I promise!
I am terrified yes, but my Daddy is the most important thing to me. And I have let him down. I am so ashamed! I can do this, I can face the fear. I need to stop panicking and just let Daddy guide me. I am so sorry Daddy! I do hope you forgive me! I know you said you would never give up on me, but I am asking again, please never ever give up on me!!!!! I will get it done Daddy! I will make you proud!
Daddy never said any of this was my fault, he doesn’t think any of these things I have written about in this post. But it is what I feel right now. This is me posting the feelings that are running through me, that I feel I have done. Daddy has done nothing but love me and guide me! He has saved me on many occasions and still does. I am the bad girl! Daddy is a great man! Don’t be easy on me! I deserve whatever you want to say! I should be punished!