Well here is to another day, I am still ecstatically happy! It has it’s up’s and down’s but that is what you get when you’re in a relationship. I am feeling more and more comfortable in my new ‘skin’. Daddy and I have been talking about my collar, and every time we do I get this giddy feeling as well as a feeling I can’t explain. It is like floating on this huge cloud of happiness! I don’t want to say floating on cloud 9 because that is to cliche. And it doesn’t even touch how happy and joyous I feel about my collar! But that story will come on another day…………….
Daddy and I have been talking about a certain subject that I have been trying to overcome and is very hard for me. But it is getting to the point where I just can’t take it anymore. I have learned so much from Daddy, he has taught me as well as being a great support in what it is I am about to share with you. I have shared it before in other post but I suppose it is just an ongoing thing that seems to continue happening in my life.
It would seem that my family is a never-ending bottomless pit of need and want. Nothing I can say nor do seem to satisfy them. As hard as I try and as much torture and torment I put myself through to try and satisfy them, it is just never enough. I have recently moved in with my sister, someone whom I thought would never consider taking advantage of me. (Daddy did warn me) but also sad it is the lesser of two evils. So, for now, I am here and will have to deal with whatever (again) will be either thrown in my face or be made to feel guilty until I just give in.
I just wish I had my own space, somewhere, where I don’t have to worry about people expecting something from me or being made to feel guilty so they have their way. Somewhere that I feel I am at home. Right now I feel as if I am just a wanderer with no home to call her own. Someone who was uprooted from the home and life she knew and just thrown out in the cold to fend for herself, however, she has to, to get by. I feel lost and confused. I wonder what did I ever do that was so bad to be continuously tortured so by the people who are supposed to love me unconditionally. I have never felt the love of a real true family, the love of a mother, the love of a father, of a family! I have never had these things!
But I gave up on looking for them a long time ago, I have learned to live with the ‘family’ I have now, even when they still hurt me so. But I am only human, what can I say. They are my family, what is that saying ‘you can’t choose who your family is’ yeah that would be me.
What I can say is that I have a Daddy who does truly love me! Who has shown me what true love is, what it is suppose to feel like! What it does feel like! Him and I, we are a family, and we will be building our own family! One that I know will love me for me! Because my Daddy would never let anyone in our family hurt me. He has been my support and my rock! I would have never made it this far without him. I love him so and will till the day I die.
Well anyway, I suppose I am going to end it here, I am feeling melancholy now and have lost the train of writing. Until again my friends, thank you for listening to me ramble on. I will be back.